Because of divine moments of peace that come to me at the exact moment I need them. Here are some examples:
Being in the temple, reading scriptures to feel closer to Christ, to be reverent, etc and finding the perfect scriptures to comfort me:
Finding this scripture may have been the turning point in my increase of faith and hope through my infertility journey. It is beautiful to me in two ways:
- You know of His power, glory, goodness, and love. It is a reminder that my Father in Heaven is rooting for me and loves me.
- There is a purpose for your suffering and it will elevate and improve you and make you more than you were before.
Those are powerful messages to hear in the midst of a painful ongoing trial!
I loved this verse because it gave me permission to relax and allow God to do His work. It comforted me in knowing that I’m not alone and that when I’ve done all that I can, I am allowed to be still (relax).
Hymns in church have been an amazing way for me to feel God’s love:
Hymn #124: Be Still, My Soul – Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side; With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide; In ev’ry change he faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Like I said in my last point, I need permission or an invitation to be still. This hymn reminds me that I NEED to be still. Through my infertility journey I have often felt frantic and afraid and worried. Yet, this simple hymn speaks peace to my heart. And it has often been sung in church services when I happen to be struggling the most.
Beautiful messages of love from family and friends in my darkest moments have shown me a glimpse of God’s love:
You deserve the melt down! Just don’t pack your bags and stay there too long. Remember that you are important and deserve joy! I am so proud of you and how brave you have been throughout the process. Allow yourself to feel it and name the emotions.
It never gets easier but just know that I am here for you if you ever need to vent. I truly believe in my heart that you will become a mother and a great one at that. But please have faith that God will send your babies your way when the timing is right.
My heart aches for you & Adrian. I hope you know how much you are loved. I wish I could take away your pain. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
I’m sending the biggest of hugs to you!!! I just want you to know I love you and I’m thinking of you!!
There are so many more, but these were a few that I had received via text so they are easy to document. These messages came at some of my darkest moments of despair and heartache. They came at a time when I needed to be reminded of the many people who love me. God provides what we need in the moment that we need it.
Messages given in church meetings inspired me to document my impressions in my journal and they remind me of God’s love for me:
Imagine Christ’s pain as He sees us endure suffering and hardship. He knows He cannot remove that suffering because it is meant to teach and strengthen us. Through our suffering we are able to do and say more. We are able to help others and so we must endure it and not have it taken from us.
This excerpt from my journal was a moment in which I began to realize a small portion of the purpose in my infertility journey. If there is any purpose in it, it is to teach me and help me to grow. It has taught me more about compassion and empathy and the power in sharing our stories.
Even in the midst of trials, go back to the most basic thing: God loves you and He wants you to be happy. Be still and know that He is God. When you are suffering, worship God.
This one helps me to know what to do when I am floundering. If I can go back to the basic belief and knowledge that God loves me then whatever I know that what I am suffering through is temporary and not a form of punishment from God.
Heavenly Father is preparing you for something in the future that you will never be able to guess. Angels surround you to life you up and help you. When you listen and obey, Heavenly Father will bless you. God WILL keep His promises.
This entry has many important messages that help me to feel God’s love. It gives me a sense of purpose through my trials (preparation for the future), a sense of strength and power (from angels around me, whether on earth or in heaven), and a sense of relief because I have been promised by my Heavenly Father that I will become a mother some day.
My patriarchal blessing has been the biggest source of hope and strength and guidance from God.
If you don’t know what a patriarchal blessing is, please go read this talk written by the prophet of the LDS church who beautifully describes what it is. Put simply, my blessing is guidance for my life and promises from God if I am faithful. I keep my blessing folded up in my wallet so it is always with me. I always read it a few times in the chapel of the temple while I’m waiting. There are a few lines that I always read multiple times:
I bless you with the wisdom of an able parent that discerns clearly the individual needs of her children. You shall receive the promptings of the spirit needed to understand and nurture them according to their individual requirements.
Now, as your life unfolds you shall be given opportunities to perform many important roles. The most important of these is that of wife and mother. I bless you with health and strength that you may live to enjoy your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. They will seem miraculous and beautiful to you as you watch them grow.
These two passages calm the storm of worry and fear in my heart. They are a promise to me from my Heavenly Father that I will be a mother some day. And it will be miraculous!
I know that God loves me because I feel it in so many ways every day! It is in the small, tender mercies that I feel God’s comforting hand. Although He has not taken this heartache of infertility away from me, He has provided me with strength, comfort, and guidance along the way.
A Miracle for the McCalls 