We had plans to start trying to have a baby when I finished my degree. But I started getting the itch 9 or 10 months before I finished. I had it all planned out in my head: I would graduate in August so I could get pregnant in December and give birth in August, right after graduating. So I stopped using birth control and began trying, keeping it a secret from Adrian! I couldn’t wait to surprise him with the news of a pregnancy and a baby to join our little family! Month after month, I counted the days in my period, I tried to guess when I would ovulate and plan accordingly 😉. I even tried using pee tests to find a more accurate time of ovulation, but I was having no results. I started to worry that I wasn’t ovulating. I read lots of things on the internet to try to help me, but nothing was working. After about 6 months of trying and keeping this big secret from Adrian, I broke down in tears and told him. I was afraid that he would be mad for keeping the secret, but he was reassuring and calm and told me that we would figure it out.
Everything on the internet says to wait until you’ve been trying for 12 months before talking to a doctor. So 6 more months went by with no success with the ovulation kits and no pregnancies. In December 2015, I finally went to see my OBGYN to talk about what was going on. She told me about some preliminary testing that she could do to see if it was a problem she could help to resolve. I had my blood drawn to test my progesterone (the hormone that indicates ovulation): NORMAL. I was in disbelief so I had this tested again the next month and it showed normal levels, indicating ovulation had occurred. The blood also tested my thyroid and my AMH (the hormones that indicate adequate egg reserve): ALL NORMAL. I was most confused with the progesterone result because over the last year I had become convinced that I was not ovulating because nothing was showing up on the home tests. Basically the results of the blood test showed that things were normal, with nothing to worry about.
In the meanwhile, the OBGYN suggested joining a research study which would cover the cost of several semen analyses. We joined the study and the results were all: NORMAL.
The next test the OBGYN ordered, a hysterosalpingogram (HSG), would tell us if my Fallopian tubes were blocked or if there were any abnormalities with my uterus. This test was excruciatingly painful for me. The radiologist had to insert a dye into my uterus and my tubes in order to see them on the X-rays. He had to insert a balloon through my cervix, inflated it, and then push the dye into my uterus and through my tubes with a catheter. He struggled with getting it through my cervix, which was painful and the inflation of the balloon was extremely uncomfortable. I remember the doctor kept saying “I’m really sorry” and “Are you okay?” And all I could respond with was “I’m fine, just do what you have to do”. When he finally got everything into place, he showed me the pictures and explained that the dye went through the tubes perfectly which meant no blockages: NORMAL. He also said my uterus was a good shape and size: NORMAL. However, he did see some indication of possible polyps or scar tissue in my uterus and wanted my OBGYN to follow up on that.
I finally felt like I might get some answers. Polyps in the uterus can cause infertility and can be a relatively easy solution when they are removed. The next plan was to have my OBGYN conduct a procedure called a hysteroscopy. It is essentially a procedure similar to what women sometimes have to have done when they have a miscarriage. I was really nervous for this one because of how painful and uncomfortable the last one was. The nurse also told me that I could take anxiety medication before the procedure which made me think it would be horrible. When it was finally time for the procedure, I went in and the nurse got me all prepped and the doctor came in for some final prep and to ask me some questions. One of those questions was: “Have you had unprotected sex at all this month?” My answer was a simple yes, but my snarky comment in my head was: “Of course! I’m trying to make a baby or I wouldn’t even be here!” And then she proceeded to tell me that she wouldn’t perform the procedure that day because there was a chance I could be pregnant and the procedure would terminate the pregnancy. So I was sent home and told to come next month and to not have sex at all before it.
The next month came around and it was finally time to have to procedure. This test would tell us if I did indeed have polyps or not. I didn’t end up taking anxiety medications and the procedure was extremely easy. She inserted a scope (a small camera) through my cervix, into my uterus. With the scope she could look around to see if there were any polyps. All she found was some left over lining from my last period, which she scraped out and had tested in the lab for abnormalities. Once again: NORMAL.
This was the end of the line with my OBGYN. She had done all of the tests she could do and she recommended that I contact a reproductive endocrinologist (i.e. Fertility Specialist). At this point I was feeling defeated and frustrated and worried and exhausted. I was beginning to feel like we would never get any answers. At this point my mental health was really suffering. I was depressed and anxious. I cried all the time and was generally moody. I was in despair and I needed help. Somewhere along the way I had joined a private infertility support group on Facebook and began to reach out to others for help. I found out about a non profit organization called Utah Infertility Resource Center (UIRC) which offers in-person support groups and individual therapy for people with infertility. I decided to reach out for help for one-on-one counseling to address my depression and mood swings and the grief associated with infertility.
Shortly after my first session with my social worker, I was told about a group therapy opportunity at UIRC and decided to join that as well. Being able to process my journey individually and with others with a similar path was the best decision for my mental health. I finally had an outlet to talk about all of the feelings I was experiencing and I got to commiserate with others struggling with trying to build their families as well.
We finally had a chance to meet with the fertility specialist who reviewed our past year in extremely clinical terms. He told us about all of the tests we had had performed and told us what we already knew: everything appears to be normal. He had one more requirement before providing a diagnosis or a plan for moving forward. He wanted to check for possible endometriosis and how many follicles I had in my ovaries. This would mean an ultrasound. I requested to have this performed at my local doctors office because my insurance would cover it. If I would have had it done at his office, I would have had to pay 100% of it.
I had the ultrasound done, which was yet another painfully uncomfortable procedure because it was vaginal in order to count the follicles. The procedure consisted of a wand-like tool being inserted into my body and moved around forcefully to get the best pitures of my ovaries. The technician had to count each individual follicle and measure them. It took a long time and was very painful. But, once again: NORMAL.
And back we went to the specialist. He once again took a very long winded approach to telling us that we have unexplained infertility. As a specialist in his field, he has no other tool to use to attempt an explanation. There are no medical reasons for our inability to have a baby.
A Miracle for the McCalls 